151. Forever Flowers
NOTE: If you haven’t been following this from the beginning, and if you want to know the full sequence of events, start with the introduction. Click on Archives on the right.
Max Plank is leaning against a locust tree with his bloodhound, Boson who is trying to pull into a thicket of pokeweed, poison ivy, and blackberry. The August sun will soon rise over the tree line. Max looks at the misty river from Wicket Street, after the crumbling road turns past the Dumpty house.
“Hi, Max, how are you? and how’s Nadia.?
“Nadia is fine, Fred. Filling my head with questions an old builder is not sure he wants to think about.”
“Challenging you, huh?”
“I am getting lawyered up, you know.”
“Something about a traffic stop?”
“Something, yeah, just what, is the question?”
“Sounds complicated.”
“Well, the son of bitch pulled his weapon on me!”
“Why?”
“Well, that’s it, and I am going after them for it!”
“Best of luck.”
An orange pickup from Dordrecht pulls up and the driver opens his window.
“Is this 1672?”
Boson wanders over to the truck with wobbling dewlaps and a little drool of curiosity. Max holds back and talks through the open window.
“Sure is.”
The driver closes his window, backs up onto the driveway, and starts talking on his phone in the air-conditioned cab. Boson has lost interest and is pulling toward the thicket again.
“Is Helga building this?”
“No Fred, she has moved to Syracuse to be close to her kid, and son-in-law.”
“So, when did this one go up?”
“Over the past few months.”
“Quite a pile, with good river views, I should think.”
“Not only that, it will have an instant, low-maintenance flower garden.”
“It will? You mean freeze-dried, Max?”
“No, synthetic.”
“A whole garden?”
“I know the contractor. It is a new product for homeowners who want flowers year around.”
“What is your interest here?”
“Just plain old curiosity.”
“But you have built tons of houses.”
Boson is sniffing my shoes.
“Not like this one.”
“What is so unusual?”
“A fake lawn, a synthetic, kind of like Astroturf, called ‘Forever Blade’. They have another product called ‘Forever Flowers’.”
Boson is drooling on my shoes.
“The sun will soon degrade it if it is plastic.”
“Forever Blade cuts down on maintenance”, haven’t you seen the commercial?”
“Not yet.”
“It seems to be on every YouTube channel I watch.”
“Yes, interrupting the program in 5 seconds!”
“Right, I also get someone warning me about the coming financial meltdown.”
“Or political fundraising, or the Viking God of Rivers, suggesting a cruise.”
“No floods on that one!”
“It’s, your dream vacation.”
“Away from suburban boredom, Max.”
“Have you seen the cute little blond kid playing with grandpa, who is high on his meds?”
“What do you mean, high?”
“He must be high. Listen to the list of side effects. I mean he should be scared as hell!”
“Why are they always blond kids?”
“That is America’s image of itself.”
“Which America is that, Max?”
“That’s us buddy, the white ones with money to spend.”
“Do I hear Nadia’s influence?”
“Yeah, she is constantly giving me stuff to read.”
“Is she into, ‘ME TOO’?”
“That’s what got her going. Her experiences started coming back to her and now she is on fire!”
“Where does that leave you, Max?”
“Out here with Boson.”
“I mean are you okay with it?”
“Sure, just not very active.”
“Is she pushing?”
“Yeah, but we are solid.”
“So, what is she telling you?”
“On a sunny commercial day no one sweats, and no one has sunburn or skin cancer.”
“Well, that’s good old American optimism!”
“Nadia calls it, ‘happy white commercial America.’”
“Someone called it, ‘the happy consciousness.’ I seem to remember.”
“Anything to make a buck!”
“Are you getting cynical Max?”
“No, it’s made this country rich! I just say what’s on my mind.”
“Sure, and so you should.”
“Yeah, this diversity thing is blowing around like a hurricane!”
“Along with big new in-fill houses.”
Boson has followed a scent trail and pulled on his extended leash back to the truck tires and damps them down with drool. We both look over to the guy in the truck.
“I think this guy will be putting in tanks for the “Forever Garden” today.
“Irrigation, you mean?”
“No, these tanks will hold the oil used to drive up all the synthetic flowers and shrubs.”
“I get it. They will have dahlias in December and fake chrysanthemums in February!”
“Whatever they want!”
“What a nightmare!”
“It is pretty ingenious really.”
“Oh, it is?”
“Oh yeah, Forever Flower packages are planted in the ground with a line to the oil tanks and pumps. The oil moves telescoping tubes, that are green, like stems, up out of the ground hydraulically pushing leaves out as they rise until they reach bloom height.”
“Must look pretty creepy to see these things zooming up out of the ground.”
“It is all timed to grow at a natural pace.”
“It is, aha, and the oil won’t freeze of course.”
“Well, it will thicken up at about minus thirty F.”
“Okay, what about the flowers?”
“The flowers are programmed to go on after about a month’s growth.”
“You mean the owner has to wait that long?”
“Not necessarily, but Forever Flowers grow according to an algorithm which simulates natural growth.”
“What about the weather?”
“No problem.”
“I get it. These are not just instant. They are immortal!”
“As long as you are up to date on your maintenance fees.”
“Oh, maintenance fees, substantial I’ll bet!”
“These are complex systems, Fred. For one thing, the flower units have to be attached to the stems mechanically, by the contractor at the right time.”
“So, the flowers don’t grow out of the stems hydraulically?”
“No, the bud pods are a separate system. The pods are mechanically attached to the stems and open gradually through chemical reactions.”
“Then, they last forever!”
“Well no. The client can choose the duration, but unattended, the flowers will only last about a month.”
“Then what? Do they drop off like real ones?”
“No, the color fades and they go transparent.”
“Ghosts!”
“You can say that, but they look colorful in the snow!”
“Ridiculous!”
“Why are they any more ridiculous than Christmas Lights?”
“You mean these flowers have lights in them?”
“That is an optional extra.”
“Do they talk too?”
“Well, Dr. Alice Tennison is working on that.”
Max pulls out his phone.
“Here, I can show you her site.”
He taps on: ‘AT@TalkingFlowers.com’ and the video starts. Showing a variety of products clumped in one bed, like real plants. A rose, tiger-lily, and a daisy join in answering a question from Alice, herself.
“Aren’t you sometimes frightened at being planted out here, with nobody to take care of you?”
“There’s the tree in the middle … what else is it good for?”
“But what could it do, if any danger came?”
“…It could bark.”
“It says bough-wough!”
“Max, isn’t that part of some story?”
“Yeah, I forget what book it is.”
“Anyway, I seem to remember one problem with fake grass is falling leaves and other stuff
that has nowhere to go.”
“What do you mean?”
“No worms or beetles.”
“Look, you have to rake, or blow leaves off your grass. Forever Blade will vacuum your property at no extra charge.”
The sun has risen over the tree line and we can hear the grinding noise of heavy trucks coming up the hill in the growing heat. Boson has awakened from a snooze in the shade of the thicket he couldn’t reach.
“Here comes the instant garden!”
Two bright yellow trucks are greeted by the man who has dismounted from his pickup. An assortment of flowers and generic leaves are pictured on the doors growing out of the word “FOREVER” printed in deep green. He directs the unloading and positioning of the Forever Products with a lot of gesticulating.
“Looks like these guys don’t speak much English.”
“No, the company has sponsored some Afghans for their crews.”
