NOTE: If you haven’t been following this from the beginning, and if you want to know the full sequence of events, start with the introduction. Click on Archives on the right.
Mr. Hoffman has put TVs in the H Bar for the first time. Three big screens one at both ends of the long bar and one in the middle. They run political commentary with subtitles and the volume down. One can rent wireless headsets for $5.00 or get a lifetime usage for $100.00.
Albrecht is sitting with me chatting about the upcoming election. I had remarked on the dismal coverage I think we get at election time.
“Fred, my friend, don’t get distracted by the prevailing goofology.”
“So you are not impressed either.”
“Look Armand has got the media’s number and he dials it up every chance he gets.”
“He knows how to get attention alright.”
“That’s his thing and theirs. He is a celebrity candidate. Now Hillary is stuck in the stone-age giving wonk headed speeches, and also spouting vague liberal platitudes that no one cares about, and that’s what is covered.”
“Yes, what they say is news.”
“No it’s not news Fred. It is nonsense and as old as the hills, and that’s what the repeating media keep repeating.”
“Isn’t this the trap, what ever some one in the news says, becomes news, while important issues get buried with skillful PR.”
“That’s why we, in the Macadamia campaign, are way ahead. We have it all on line, a two way street, we talk and tweet, and America talks back!”
“I think you may be a little too far ahead, the TV age isn’t over yet.”
“Fred, go to the ‘Think Right’ web site. That’s where right thinking people go for real news.”
“Wait a minute Albrecht, look at that headline on the TV!”
Albrecht looks up at the nearest screen and reads aloud to me. “
“ Dr. Sardanapalus dead in yacht scandal”
“The news anchor appears and tells the story:
“Presidential candidate, Armond Macadamia’s doctor and confidant of a lifetime, Dr. Sardanapalus, has died on Mac’s yacht, Nineveh, in Biscayne Bay, Florida.”
We see a picture of his three decker yacht, with black hull and white superstructure and red funnel.
“That thing looks like an old fashioned steam yacht doesn’t it?”
“Fred, our man is a conservative!”
The TV commentary continues in white letters across the bottom of the screen. Some words drop out in the lightest parts of the image.
“Our special corres…., Leticia Lantern .. …. at Biscayne Bay with Gordon Byron, Macadamia’s campaign spoke…..”
Gordon Byron appears on screen in an open neck white shirt, khakis and aviators, and a white baseball cap. He is holding the brim against the breeze.
“Gordon, your comment.”
“I can tell you this about the Dr.’s tragic death. Doctor Sardanapalus died in the owners suit with a nurse in attendance after he had a seizure.”
“How long had they been friends?”
“He met Sar when he was married to Teresa, Countess Guiccioli. That was over forty years ago.”
“What about the story on Shrinkwrap saying he had the three naked underage girls with him.”
“That is mischievous fabrication. Just dirty politics, trying to tarnish Mr. Macadamia’s reputation during the election campaign by going after his close friend.”
“Well Gordon, Fuzzy Leaks reports he was romping with naked under age Asian boys.”
“Leticia, why do you repeat these lies?”
“Gordon, the public deserves an explanation.”
“Look, if there were naked girls or boys in there then they were directed by a Martian and two Vulcans.”
“Okay, thank you Gordon, This is Leticia Lantern reporting from Biscayne Bay Florida.”
Steve Strether is standing by the empty stool next to me on the other side from Albrecht.
“Fred, this any one’s seat?”
“All yours. What you got there, a tablet?”
“Yup, I was sitting over there and didn’t notice you guys at first.
“Look at this link, bel sent me.”
He taps the link and hands me the tablet.
It is all in French, but Steve translates from the news item in ‘Photo Français Delacroix’.
“This picture is said to have been taken by one of the Sardanapalus girls with her smart phone as the seizure began, and shortly before his death.”
“Here Albrecht, have you seen this?”
We all look at the picture together.
The Dr.’s face is partially hidden by one girl’s elbow. He is obviously naked. The lower part of another girl is visible stretched across his groin and there is a red sheet wrapped around her lower legs. The picture also shows she has a prominent birthmark on her left buttock.
“Well guys, that old man could be anybody. Besides, you know … it’s the French.”
“Know what Albrecht?”
“Fred, sex is their thing. I don’t believe it is real anyway.”
“Why not?”
“The wallpaper in the background of the French picture is nothing like the walls of the owner’s suite in that old boat. I am sure it is all polished teak.”
“Albrecht, it makes sense they would take a picture to show no one killed him.”
“Steve, that picture doesn’t show much.”
“Well, it looks like a rerun of the Leticia Lantern show is up next on TV.”
“The weekly Leticia Lantern show is brought to you by Spong Products.”
We hear two tones of a gong, and then the voice over says,
“When it comes to your beloved seniors,
you can’t go wrong with Spong!”
Two more gong sounds. A trim woman in a leotard smiles at the camera and turns away to get on a rowing machine. She tells us she is 72 and still ready to row and ready to go, then rows vigorously. The camera pulls away.
Leticia appears sitting across from her guest, Gordon Byron.
“Gordon, welcome back to the show, here in Key Biscayne.”
“Always glad to be here Leticia.”
“Gordon, why doesn’t Mr. Macadamia come on the show himself?”
“He doesn’t do TV appearances. We think the medium distorts rather than shows the American people what they need to know.”
“Really Gordon, do you feel distorted right now?”
“No not at all. I do occasional appearances on TV for Mr. Macadamia, when he feels it is necessary.”
“and why is your appearance on my show necessary at this moment?”
“Because Leticia, we respect, your show, is the right place to raise and settle important questions when there is no other way.”
“What’s your question Gordon?”
“Why is the tragic death of this great doctor being covered with garbage instead of real reporting?”
“Well Gordon it is a sensational story, and we both know that’s what the audience wants!”
“Leticia, we both know that good reporting is fair and balanced. Where is the coverage of Dr. Sardanapalus’s services to Syrian orphans and his long running practice in Calcutta, for instance?
“Gordon, let’s look at this clip from CBS News.”
They run a clip from Sixty Minutes, saying it aired in 2010.
“We are here at the famous Sardanapalus Clinic in Calcutta to talk to Dr. Gupta, the founding director.”
“Doctor, how long were you director?”
“From the beginning in 1991 until 2002.”
“And how long did you practice with Dr. Sardanapalus here?”
“Oh never here. He wasn’t practicing here you see. He was our consultant.”
“Okay, were you in regular consultation?”
“Ah, no, I have never spoken to him.”
“Right, so what is the connection between this clinic and the Dr.?”
“Oh, well, you see, he donated the funds to start us up and keeps the clinic going.”
“So the Sardanapalus Clinic is named after the donor.”
“We are going to take a break now for this message.”
The voice over says.
The Liticia Lantern Show is brought to you by Spong!
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We see the blond woman pull a lever on the side of the chair and the seat slowly tilts up at the back and down at the front while the cushion also moves forward from the back. The blond woman gets up slowly into the arms of a younger woman with the close attention of three children who clap with joyful expressions on their faces.
“You see! when your favorite seniors need a little help.
You can’t go wrong with Spong.”
A group of healthy looking ‘seniors’ in front of a bed of roses in full bloom, all wave from their chairs, with perfect ad-ready smiles.
A two-tone gong sounds.
“The sound of success is Spong!”
“Here we are, back with Gordon Byron” says Leticia, and the camera zooms in. Her face fills the screen, showing her unblemished complexion and perfectly aligned moist white front teeth under her deep red upper lip, in an unforced smile.
“Gordon, on Slur.com, Mac has said that certain sections of this country are going to have to get back in their place.”
“Yes we put that out, in September, as things were heating up!”
Yes Gordon, and when asked, who do you mean by ‘certain sections’ on local tv. You said, ‘We all know that don’t we folks?’”
“Correct, that is the right answer for that demographic in that part of the country.”
“Okay Gordon, and who are you talking about now?”
“We are talking about a situation where things are just out of line.”
“Who is out of line?”
“Well, Hillary and Trump are both out of line. Saying they are going to retrain people or bring back those jobs from over seas. Retrain for what jobs? Those jobs are taken by technology!”
“Are you coming out against technology?”
“We are against job loss what ever the cause, and the lies being spread about it.”
“Okay Gordon, getting back to those ‘sections of the country’. You were quoted on the blog, ‘Think Right,’ ‘that the over educated sections of the country are going to be wiped out by the Macadamia campaign, which speaks real plain English, not Spanish, not Chinese, but American English’ ”
“Yes that was a direct quotation. English is the nation’s language.
The Constitution wasn’t written in Portuguese or in French or Spanish.”
We interrupt this broadcast with a statement from Mr. Macadamia.
Here’s our special correspondent Glen Gazburg in San Clemente California.
“This is Glen Gazburg on the tarmac at Mr. Macadamia’s estate here in San Clemente.”
The screen shows a group of figures walking away from the camera towards a waiting helicopter. Glen has his back to the noise and backwash from the rotors, but he is not easy to hear.
“Mr. Macadamia never does TV appearances, but he said to me, on the record, just moments ago, that he ‘is heartbroken at the loss if his fine old friend.’ Back to you Leticia.”
Thank you Glen, now back to our tape of the Calcutta interview with Dr. Gupta.
“Doctor, tell me, who was the donor?”
“I don’t think it was Dr. Sardanapalus’s money. No, it was donated in his name by the American, Mr. Macadamia.”
“Ah Leticia, Leticia just wait a minute. That interview is a gross distortion of the truth.”
“Gordon, that’s what the record shows.”
“I respect this show too much to let that go by. Of course Dr. Sardanapalus didn’t talk to Dr. Gupta. Dr. Sardanapalus was in regular contact with the doctors in the operating room, and at the bedside through Sard-Surgical, our own video link.”
“Thank you Gordon, that is the last word on today’s show.”
Albrecht gets up and pays his tab. He turns to Steve and me before walking out.
“Fred, like I said, don’t get distracted by the prevailing goofology.”
